Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse" - Less Imaginitive Than You Thought

To my loyal friends and readers, first I want to thank you for following me into this foray of hugely random, non-crafty, un-witty writing.  It has been an entertaining affair, and I have thus far enjoyed baring my squiggly insides to you.  However, I am afraid this entry will not be so diverting as usual.  I have recently been burdened with a terrible secret that I feel  I must reveal to you.  To release my soul, I must come clean about something dreadful that has been hidden from society for far too long.

I have often been praised for my ability to pick up new skill sets quickly, not just in school, but also at work, in some arts, and even some physical tasks.  It's not just me.  Many Asians are blessed with the special talent to adapt and form new skills within a short period of time, as long as we are given a basic outline of the necessary milestones. For countless generations, young chinese children have been admired, hated, complimented, criticized for our fortes in mathematics and science. 

Every word of praise is undeserved.  There is nothing special about our unique aptitude for these concrete realms of academia.  There was once a rather demotivating statement put about to remind people of how unremarkable we are becoming:  "In China when you are one in a million -- there are 1,300 other people just like you."  This statistic is actually exaggerated - and flattering.  It's more like 130,000.

Dear readers, if I have led you to confusion, it is only because I fear relating the truth.  But I have stalled long enough, so it is now time to come out and say it:

I am an android with a fully reprogrammable cerebral cortex.

I can sense the incredulity radiating from the other side of screen, but this is not a joke.  Several weeks ago, during a period of increased solar flare activity, a very strange thing happened to me.  For a second or so, my glasses seemed to emit static, and my right ear heard some sort of odd feedback.  Assuming that I was sitting too close to my computer screen, I sat back, closed my eyes for a minute, and then removed my frames to clean the lenses.  Before I replaced my glasses, I noticed it - I could see perfectly.  My vision was 20/20.  And that wasn't all.

Placing my frames to my face, I then realized that there were discrepancies between what I saw when I wore my glasses and when they were off.  I will demonstrate:

Thinking that I had been working too hard, I decided to call it an early night and tried to sleep.  After hours of tossing and turning, I eventually fell into an uneasy slumber.  It wasn't long after, though, that strange noises filled my dreams and disturbing images crossed my subconscious.  Most of them are forgotten.  All I can recall is one distinct phrase:

"Download complete."

The next morning, I was thoroughly distressed.  I wanted to brush everything off as a bad dream, but it was all too real to ignore.  Out of paranoia and curiosity, I set up a hidden camera in my room to watch over my bed while I slept.  For several days, I caught nothing but frames of my sleeping figure.  However, by weeks end, something finally turned up.  What you are about to witness is not for the faint of heart.  This is your last warning to turn away.

THERE.  YOU CANNOT UNSEE THAT.  SOMEONE IS LURKING OVER MY BED.  MY HEAD IS OPEN, AND THERE IS A CABLE HANGING FROM IT. 

Unfortunately, my camera is pretty cheap, but using some editing equipment from work, I've been able to enhance the resolution and glean some info from that computer screen from the doctor/scientist/whatever-the-f**k he/she was. 

The windows don't give an plethora of info, but I have some idea of what they mean.  Ever since I found out what sick things have been going on while I slept, I've not been idle.  It hasn't been easy, but I have been able to find a few key facts.  Since the end of WWII, most of the Chinese/Japanese and some of the Indian population has been biologically retrofitted with data links known cleverly as the "Accelerated Structuring and Intelligence Assimilation Network".  Anyone outfitted with connections to the network can effectively be programmed to learn any skill in about 24 hours after observing someone perform the task for only 1 hour.  From there on, a person's aptitude is triple that of a normal human.

So why haven't Asians taken over the world yet?  Some would argue that they are slowly getting there, but I think I may have uncovered something even more nefarious.  I don't want to say anything definite, but one of my sources has not-so-subtly suggested that another party is pulling the strings of the Asians.  I don't want to point fingers, but why else would the acronym use words from a Western language?

I've probably said too much now, but I couldn't hold back much longer.  Just know that, the next time you see me, if I can no longer calculate dy/dx[sin(x)^2] and only use the words "Me love you long time", you'll know why.

Oh, and the Tiananmen Square incident?  So not what you thought it was about.

Until the next (?)