^^^Words that should not be used to start a successful story (or, rather, a story that results in any kind of success). I'm getting a little ahead of myself, so let me explain. Because my furniture is kind of cheap, getting the wood wet is asking for trouble. Specifically, the top layer of my coffee table will swell and start to peel. In order to prevent this, coasters are in order.
The other week, I got it into my head that I wanted to make coasters from scratch. Why? Because, as we established, I am cheap, didn't want to pay for square plaster tiles, and was feeling bored. A few nights ago, though, I decided to tack on another little part of this activity:
Why not try this while drunk?
Before you start judging me, I'm not doing this to be trashy (mostly). Actually, yeah, all the hip bloggers are doing it, so I thought I'd have a go. But there is another reason. I have been past the point of "tipsy" once in my life. Once. Why? Because the other 95% of the time, I was this girl:
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| AKA - the C-Block |
Or this girl:
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| AKA - The D.D. |
The result of having to play mom was that, over time, I managed to force sobriety through any amount of alcohol I ingested. Do you know what happens when you take the euphoria out of booze? You get gross, bitter liquid. By the time I was legally able to purchase my own alcohol, I was pretty disenchanted with the hooch, so I often faked drinking by getting soda instead. Frankly, it was easier to get "drunk" on the atmosphere more so than my BAC.
But now I'm curious. So here's a few questions I plan to ask:
1.) What am I like when I've had more than I can take? Which, given the fact that I'm Asian, is like 3 shots.
2.) What are my creative tastes when between when I'm sober and when I'm under the influence?
To test this, I'll be doing a very crude experiment. I'll be making 6 coasters in all, one of which, I'll decorate before, the other 5, after a few drinks. Since I have built up some inadvertent tolerance, I'll also be watching Adam Hills talk about surrealism (if you don't know what I'm talking about, GO FORTH AND SEARCHETH YOUTUBE, MY SON), which I'm hoping will help speed up the euphoria. Also, because, as we've already discussed, I'd like to keep my furniture intact, I'll be doing most of the messy work before I'm drunk.
CEMENT TIME!
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| "Why do I own quick-set cement?" Silly readers. Don't you know my by now? |
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| My mold - a small cardboard gift box lid |
***20 min later***
Alright, so my tiles have all set. They're a bit crusty, so I'll add felt on one side so that they don't scratch up my tables:
As for the tops, I'll be finding pictures on the Internet, printing them out, and then slathering Modge Podge over the whole thing.
Image search: Sober
I like flowers, and frankly, I think this is right up my alley. The finished product isn't half bad. Not the cleanest presentation, but it's my first attempt at this.
NOW FOR THE REAL CHALLENGE. Because, as I've said, I don't like the taste of alcohol, I'll be doing my best to mask it with a barrage of other flavors, so that I don't reject it in the worst way possible. Last night, I mixed a set of popsicles with OJ, vanilla greek yogurt, and Malibu. I'm a little worried, but tasting it now, it's not half bad. I can hardly taste the rum. Fab. I'll be back in a moment.
***
First popsicle - not doing much for me, right now, but it's like… half a shot worth? And it's intermixed with yogurt and orange juice, so maybe it's taking some time to absorb. Possibly, it didn't help that I had a few fish fingers about half an hour ago.
Second popsicle. Still not much damage, though when I stood up, I did wiggle a little, But not in that "ooh, I'm so hammered" manner. More of a "The blood rushed from my head from standing too fast" kind of manner.
Third popsicle. Frack. I mixed this horribly. The top half is totally gross. Rum yogurt is foul. Like whoa. I'm going to have trouble choking this down. FOR SCIENCE! Still not feeling anything though. This calls for some drastic measures. And by drastic, I mean I single shot. Again.
***10 min later*** Ok. It might just be Adam Hills, but I am pretty giggly now. Clearly a good time to start looking for images.
You know what would make a great coaster? Nerdfighteria. Why? Probably because I have a raging Nerd-boner for John Green. Yup, I just said that. Time to check Google.
Nerdfighterria flag? Yes. I have no idea what that says, but I won't question it. Gwen can translate it for me later. I LOVE THIS COASTER. IT IS SO BEAUTIFUl. More things need to come from this source. Like… wait for it… THE MONGOLS. (If you do not know what I am talking about, SHAME ON YOU.)
What else do I want. Actually - I know. Miyazaki. That man needs more of a spotlight than limited theatre releases from Disney. I have always wanted a Kodama plush, but ai suppose a picture plastered on cement will do just as well.
Let's do more Miyazaki films. Totoro? Nooo, that's dull. I got it - suss…wataa… Something. Soot balls? What does google say. "Susuwatari" WOrks for me.
One more tile to go. I can't tell if I'm starting to lose the buzz. Keep in mind it takes like... 20 min to finish one of these b/c of all the pasting required. I think the answer to that is yes. It's slowly being replaced by a mild headache. Need to think of something. …Um… Gunnerkrigg. I could sift through comic pages, or I could conveniently used a picture that I've already saved to my desktop.
TADAAAAA:
***
Two hours later, still suffering from a mild headache, probably thanks to the fact that I suck at drinking water on a regular basis.
What have I learned from this little descent into stupidity?
1 - Nothing will ever make alcohol palatable.
2 - When I am sober and trying to be crafty, I get "artsy" (and trite). When I am less than sober, I become a massive nerd. And a giggly one, at that. Frankly, I'm nerdy and giggly about 50% of the time, anyway.
3 - Evidently, my tolerance has increased again? O_o
I really hope someone found some entertainment out of this.
'Til the next.
As for the tops, I'll be finding pictures on the Internet, printing them out, and then slathering Modge Podge over the whole thing.
I like flowers, and frankly, I think this is right up my alley. The finished product isn't half bad. Not the cleanest presentation, but it's my first attempt at this.
NOW FOR THE REAL CHALLENGE. Because, as I've said, I don't like the taste of alcohol, I'll be doing my best to mask it with a barrage of other flavors, so that I don't reject it in the worst way possible. Last night, I mixed a set of popsicles with OJ, vanilla greek yogurt, and Malibu. I'm a little worried, but tasting it now, it's not half bad. I can hardly taste the rum. Fab. I'll be back in a moment.
***
First popsicle - not doing much for me, right now, but it's like… half a shot worth? And it's intermixed with yogurt and orange juice, so maybe it's taking some time to absorb. Possibly, it didn't help that I had a few fish fingers about half an hour ago.
Second popsicle. Still not much damage, though when I stood up, I did wiggle a little, But not in that "ooh, I'm so hammered" manner. More of a "The blood rushed from my head from standing too fast" kind of manner.
Third popsicle. Frack. I mixed this horribly. The top half is totally gross. Rum yogurt is foul. Like whoa. I'm going to have trouble choking this down. FOR SCIENCE! Still not feeling anything though. This calls for some drastic measures. And by drastic, I mean I single shot. Again.
***10 min later*** Ok. It might just be Adam Hills, but I am pretty giggly now. Clearly a good time to start looking for images.
You know what would make a great coaster? Nerdfighteria. Why? Probably because I have a raging Nerd-boner for John Green. Yup, I just said that. Time to check Google.
Nerdfighterria flag? Yes. I have no idea what that says, but I won't question it. Gwen can translate it for me later. I LOVE THIS COASTER. IT IS SO BEAUTIFUl. More things need to come from this source. Like… wait for it… THE MONGOLS. (If you do not know what I am talking about, SHAME ON YOU.)
What else do I want. Actually - I know. Miyazaki. That man needs more of a spotlight than limited theatre releases from Disney. I have always wanted a Kodama plush, but ai suppose a picture plastered on cement will do just as well.
Let's do more Miyazaki films. Totoro? Nooo, that's dull. I got it - suss…wataa… Something. Soot balls? What does google say. "Susuwatari" WOrks for me.
One more tile to go. I can't tell if I'm starting to lose the buzz. Keep in mind it takes like... 20 min to finish one of these b/c of all the pasting required. I think the answer to that is yes. It's slowly being replaced by a mild headache. Need to think of something. …Um… Gunnerkrigg. I could sift through comic pages, or I could conveniently used a picture that I've already saved to my desktop.
TADAAAAA:
***
Two hours later, still suffering from a mild headache, probably thanks to the fact that I suck at drinking water on a regular basis.
What have I learned from this little descent into stupidity?
1 - Nothing will ever make alcohol palatable.
2 - When I am sober and trying to be crafty, I get "artsy" (and trite). When I am less than sober, I become a massive nerd. And a giggly one, at that. Frankly, I'm nerdy and giggly about 50% of the time, anyway.
3 - Evidently, my tolerance has increased again? O_o
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'Til the next.
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