Glasses: An Evolution

Having recently obtained a pair of prescription safety glasses for work, I was reminded of something I had wanted to share from before I started my new job. A bit of a lemonade-from-lemons tale.

I've had to wear glasses since age 9. When I first got them, I was impressionable and pretty low on self-esteem. At the time, I was sure that someone was going to call me four-eyes or point out the fact that I looked like a major nerd. This was not helped by the fact that, being the awkward mofo that I was, chose the most unflattering pair of frames possible.

It got slightly better from there on out. Hints from my sister and browsing through fashion mags helped right the wrongs of my youth, but for awhile, I was still sort of self-conscious of my specs. The saying "Boys don't skip classes for girls who wear glasses" seemed to be permanently burned into my head.

From ages 13-18, my vanity was appeased by the gift of contacts. 8 AM classes in freshman year had me back in glasses real quick, though. Luckily, by that time, I had become much more confident, mature, and well-acquainted with the phrase "Sexy Librarian".

Recently, I had to renew my prescription, for work's sake, and just to make sure everything was copacetic. According to my optometrist, my vision changed, quote, "By about 5%." Since I have no frame of reference, the only thing that meant to me was that I had to get a new pair of glasses. For the first time ever, the office secretary actually guided me through the frame-choosing process, sifting through hundreds of choices to find the ones that best suited me. Wow.

What I ended up with was, for all intents and purposes, these:
And yes, they do make me look a little bit like a hipster. But I'm cool with that. Because I'm secretly a hipster? Possibly. What I'm more excited about is the following:

Anyone who wears glasses or remembers Squints from "The Sandlot" should be familiar with the typical technique for clearing dust from glasses - breathe on it a few times and wipe. While giving my lenses a little "fog-up", I noticed an unusual pattern in the glass, something like this:
At first, I thought it was just my imagination, but after trying it again, the same image appeared. I tried it with my other lens, and lo and behold, there it was again. Even after repeatedly wiping both lenses, the imprint is still there. After some contemplation, I have only come up with one answer:

I am the savior of the Autobots.

(Apologies to all Transformers fans for not knowing how to draw cars and not particularly caring to rectify that. Apologies to everyone else for not being as hot as Megan Fox.)

That, or I will soon be shooting lasers from my eyes. Either way, \m/

Until the next.

Achievement Unlocked: Hard Earned Lesson

Undergraduate career has been defeated.
The Laiv Wire earns 300 EXP.
Level up!
Laiv Wire is now a full-time employee!
You have moved to a new area: Manufacturing Office.
Laiv Wire finds a new item: steel toe shoes.
Laiv Wire finds a new item: safety glasses.
Laiv Wire finds a new item: work computer.

Choose Action:
-Gloat
-Surf Internet
-Log into Network <---

Laiv Wire is attacked by a new foe: IT Department!

IT Department uses bureacracy! Laiv Wire is inundated with paper work and security errors!

Choose action:
-Flee
-Summon Supervisor <---
-Punch Computer

Laiv Wire summons supervisor...
IT Department is unaffected!

IT Department uses miscommunication!
It is super-effective!
Laiv Wire is stunned! All productivity is halted for a week!

***

The theatre of my life.

As you might have guessed, I recently started my new assignment with DuPont this Monday. I exaggerate a little bit, of course, but waiting for proper access to network folders is a little soul-sucking. In the mean time, I've met everyone in my group and gotten a cursory overview of what I'll be working on. It will be an exciting, if busy time, so I am looking forward to actually getting projects, as well as ACCESS TO ALL THE DIRECTORIES THEY ARE LOCATED.


The whole kit 'n caboodle associated with relocating and starting my new job has been wonderful and nerve-wracking all at once. I think some of the tension has been alleviated, thanks largely in part to the fact that I have been an actual employee to an engineering company before now (co-op), but it is still weird to wake up in the morning and realize that is is my life now. No more exams, no more running to class, no more late nights in the library (barring, of course, the possibility of graduate school). Now, I'm faced with issues like equipment maintenance, quality assurance, maintaining a good rapport with operators as well as colleagues and supervisors, etc. Some things have carried over - necessity to multitask and be flexible with learning new procedures, etc.

I keep joking that I'm suddenly a "real person", as if being a student invalidated my adulthood. I'm constantly reminding myself that, just because my rent has doubled since last year, that doesn't mean I've suddenly become immune to stupidity.

Case in point:


That, my friends, is a first degree burn. Did I get it in some near-fatal accident while in the plant? Nope. I got it from tea. Hot tea. Very hot tea.


This beautiful thing was a Christmas gift from Dillon. It keeps liquids warm for hours on end. It is also a deceptive bastard.


So, instead of liquid coming out the white cap like I thought it would, it instead poured down my chin like a river of LIQUID HOT MAGMA. Result? A medium-rare soul patch, and a wonderful safety warning for my group during our morning meeting.

At least I got my badge photo taken the day before it happened. Always look on the bright side of life.

Until the next.

And this is how the Accident Pyramid all started...

This will come as a big shock, but I am afraid of blades.

Yes, this girl:

has a fear of sharp objects.  I'll give you a moment to let that sink in while I explain why I felt the need to share with you this tidbit.  My parents are getting on in years, so when I visit home, I try to help with more labor-intensive work around the house, like gardening.  The other day, my dad decided it was time to trim the brush in the backyard.  Two years ago, I bought him a hedge trimmer, and he's really taken to it.

I, on the other hand, think it's the stuff of nightmares.  There's something about it that says "unholy love child of a sawfish and a duck having a menage à trois with a motor".

My dad operates it pretty well, so I guess that's more important that my phobia of saber-toothed canards.  Of course, that doesn't alleviate my concerns over the following:

We live on a pretty steep hill, which makes outdoor maintenance difficult.  At the bottom of the hill is a rocky creek, so there's no chance of standing on a level surface to do work.  Of course, there are parts of the hill that aren't so daunting, but, as luck would have it, those aren't the areas that need upkeep.

Anyway, here we are, lovely weekday afternoon in the yard, my dad happily trimming away while I clean up any refuse.  Suddenly, he pulls the slack of the extension cord, wraps it around his body, and then tosses me the remainder.

So, just to further elucidate, my father, sixty-some-years-old, is currently harnessed along the side of a hill face by the equivalent of three extension cords.  If any of my neighbors were watching our little tag team, they'd see a diminutive Asian girl in a cable-knit cap, restraining an even smaller Asian man, wielding a mini-chainsaw, occasionally calling over his shoulder:

Meanwhile, stupidly, the only thing I can think of is, "This can't be up to OSHA standards."

Internalizing yourself in my thoughts and haunting me for the rest of my life.  Well played, Professor Murphy. 

Until the next.

Graduation, Holidays, and the Poetry Monster

I am gradu-ma-cated!!!

Well... OK, that's actually my award for finishing the co-op program, but I like it a lot better than my picture with the dean of the engineering school. Plus - I actually studied abroad with Dr. Shuman (pictured above, Associate Dean), and he is all around awesome. A man who buys you a Tsing Tao is always A-OK in my book.

It is still very surreal being out of school, especially since I didn't do the whole cap and gown shindig (our uni doesn't do a formal December graduation... we have to come back in May if we want the pomp and circumstance). But here I am, all requirements fulfilled, graduating with honors, and prepping to take on my new job in the next few months. Phew!

Anywho, it is the holiday season. I spent Christmas with the parents, which was relaxing (and that is all that will be said about that front :P ). Currently up in the Big Apple with Cindy and loving every moment. Obviously, haven't been very crafty in any sense, what with finals and getting ready to move out of my apartment, but now that an infinitely large chunk of time has been freed up for me, I should start being able to write more or... something.

Well, to tide you over, I'll leave you with a little something I whipped up a long while back. I wouldn't have thought to do this, but I showed it to C, and she posted it to every byte of web space that she calls her own.

Most of you should realize by now that I am a horrible human being. Still, I feel the need to preface the following link with a full reminder that I have issues:

Just Another Effing Day

^^^My sister's blog, with a guest piece done by me. I try not to be too apologetic because no one sympathizes with dirty fence sitters, but I do want to mention that:

1 - I wrote that in sophomore of university for a creative writing class, so hyperbole abounds
2 - It's not quite the way I feel about those situations now. The purpose was to go back and describe my thoughts at the time of occurrence, so those were me from ages 16-19.

So, yeah. Sorry and all that. But it is still f'ing funny, so learn to laugh a little.

Happy Holidays.