You weren't even here yesterday and I already love you

October and November came and went, and as per usual, I came no closer to my goal of writing a 50,000-word story in the span of 30 days.  In fact, I didn't even break last year's record of 20k.  Instead, the time was largely spent either out of state or deciding what I'm doing with my life.  Sometimes both at the same time.  But I'll get to that another day.

Let's back-up a second.  Why have I been out of state?  Well, first, I was on a rather nice long weekend getaway with DG, up in Bostonia.  No pictures, unfortunately, but to be honest, there weren't a lot of photo-ops.  Just a lot of nice strolls and cursing while trying to navigate the Downtown by car.

Second, as some of you might have guessed, something very big (or very small, if you're going to measure it by total volume and mass) has appeared in my life:

Yup, nope, not my kid.

It is in fact, my sister's first child, a beautiful baby girl, CJW, or San-San, as we've recently taken to calling her.  I've been driving out to my sister's place the past few weekends to visit, help a bit, and generally introduce to the latest Lai offspring the fine art of cynicism.  Frankly, though, I don't have much work to do.  She's already got a look of constant consternation down pat:

Already making the Lai women proud.

No, I probably won't be baby-gramming here much -- the BIL's paternal instinct kicked in the second San-San popped out, via the magic of Apple camera burst mode, so we've got that catalog covered.  But, yes, you can probably expect an uptick of projects related to kids' clothing, toys, and whatnot.

Example:

Complete with poem!

Ah, no.  Not my picture (stole it from reddit because I forgot to take a picture of the card I gave to my sister), and I am not responsible for that fine display of wordsmithing.  But it is a cute little sentiment to pass along.

So, this makes me wonder if I should maybe consider toning down... ahem... certain aspects of my blog, on the chance that the little one stumbles across my writing.  Namely, that I swear like a sailor and make marginally inappropriate jokes about tentacle rape, etc.

Eh.  Probably not.  She'll have to learn sooner or later that her aunt is a seething misanthrope.  Sorry, kiddo.

Actually -

Dear San-San,

You are a tiny poop machine, you somehow make louder noises when your mouth is closed than when your mouth is open, you only have three modes - feeding, crying, and sleeping (listed in descending order of time observed in those modes), and you have effectively stolen my sister's arm.

But despite all this, I still believe it is my sworn duty as your youngest aunt in four to be the chaotic influence in your life.  I will encourage you to take apart the vacuum when you are old enough to hold a screwdriver.  I will teach you what euphemisms are before you even know that boys and girls have different plumbing.  And, I would teach you naughty words in foreign languages... if your mother and I didn't already speak all the same foreign languages.

Why?  Because when I was 5-years-old, your mother once chased me around the house while pretending to be possessed by an evil alternate ego named Biker.  Karma, suckers.

And, also, because I love you.  I'll be frank, the closer it came to your delivery day, the more anxious I got because I really don't know what I have to offer you.  Your parents both have very big hearts (and also way more money than my broke engineering ass can afford.  Go into finance, kid.), and even though they're neurotic, your Ye-Ye and Ama have so much to give and will love you to the ends of the Earth.  26 years on this planet, and I don't feel all that much smarter, so there isn't much wisdom I can impart to you.  All I have are a needle & thread, and sometimes cookies (though, your dad is paleo, so I don't know how that's going to work out for us.)

It's not much, but I'm the closest to you in age out of all your aunts and uncles, so I'll try to be the "cool" aunt you can turn to when life gets weird (though - seriously, if you want tips on how to be socially adept, try your mom first.  I am an awkward mofo.)  We might not share the last name, but you'll still be a little Lai girl in my eyes, which - sorry - historically speaking means your life is going to constantly be trial by fire.  But, both your mom and I were there, and we'll be there to walk you through it.  More importantly, when I'm there, it will involve something really destructive that your mom would totally never approve of.

Hearts and kisses,
Auntie V.

P.S.  C & W - seriously, don't let any of your progeny read my blog unless you just want a lot of questions about why Aunt Vicky won't shell out for clothing and makes awful science jokes that don't make sense.

Until the next.