Seeing Red

After a series of unfortunate events, including but not limited to waking up with the continuing oppressive lethargy of food coma, being lectured by a hypocrite, finding a massive zit worthy of my teenage years, and losing the capability to complete ANY of my overwhelmingly quickly growing stack of work, I - like any reasonable human being - turned into a giant rage-beast:

Or Big Bertha from the SMB movie.  I forget.

That was largely this morning/afternoon.  After a nice cup of ginger and an episode of Foyle's War, I felt much better.  No fear of my smiting central New Jersey this week.  Back in my natural state of light-to-moderate misanthropy, though, I got to thinking.  Contrary to popular belief, it's always weird for me when I get angry.  It's like someone is uncorking a hidden bottle of soda that has been sitting, all shaken up, for ages.  Once the top is off, there's no stopping the wrath.

More than once, I've wondered how much of a stoic I really am.  If I had to tally it, the most common phrases that people use on me are things like, "Don't get too excited," "You're so quiet," or simply, "Smile."  People want a reaction from me.  I have known people whose goal in life is to poke me until they find a reflex.  It's a mutually beneficial game for both of us - they get their fun, and I learn something new.  Maybe very little sets me off.  Or maybe the case is that, like Bruce Banner:

See, though - the act of being angry is really unsatisfying.  More often than not, I'm left swallowing my own poisonous bile.  Note, I'm not talking about the times that I'm just irritated, because those tend to make really comedic moments that are hilarious to talk about later (e.g. - clothing shopping).  Nor is it the same as me channeling my angry energy into something like a flurry of work, which tends to make me feel a LOT better.  But when I have nothing but fury churning in my gut, it's terrible.  I'm irrational and immature, and worst of all, I resent myself for not knowing what to do about it, which just upsets me more.  I don't like showing my anger, particularly at work, as it makes me feel ugly and unprofessional.

Is that not odd?  Anger, like anything else, is a natural emotion that humans possess.  And yet we shun it, even if sometimes it really is appropriate to get upset.  Example - you just backed into my car without so much as an apology?  Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can't fault me for getting pissed.

Anger is an energy.  It can be a very powerful energy, kind of like rocket fuel.  And it can be a very destructive one.

Maybe it's overkill.  Or maybe it just needs to be properly harnessed.  Use with caution.

Until the next.